Me turtle...

Hello all.... a bit of a long post from me tonight..... have you got your tea?

Yes.. it's a funny ol' title for a blog post, but yes, I often feel like a turtle. And I would be happy if I was half as cute as this little guy... 

So why do I feel like a turtle?

Well, not for many reasons really, other than anxiety and panic attacks, and low vitamin B12 are usually to blame! Something I've come to realise over the past however-many-years that worrying about things you can't change does you no good at all. 

For a long time, like many out there, I feel I'm not good enough, I can't do it, have little self confidence and how sometimes you feel like you could just walk away from it all. 

There was a quote on Pinterest once, that sort of summed it up .... "Noone knows how many times I've lost hope. How many times I've been let down. Nobody knows how many times I've felt like I'm about to snap. But I don't. For the sake of others. Nobody knows the thoughts that go through my head when I'm sad, how horrible they truly are. Nobody. Knows. Me"

It's a horrible feeling... you can't make people understand, can't make anyone understand what is happening inside of you, especially when you can't explain it to yourself sometimes.. I often feel like my anxiety has anxiety!!!

However.. this last couple of weeks has given me an awakening of some sorts. I've actually managed to take my tablets regularly - upped the dose when I felt necesssary - and am feeling in control of things that went beyond my control. I've been talking to the hubby about how I feel and he's put me right on a few things. He's shown me the way, and although I'm not saying it's easy - it's definately helped to start opening up about things. 

I know there are many people out there who see me doing my job, and think I'm full of confidence, like other crafters out there, but we are not all confident. We are not all in control of what we think we should be thinking... it's difficult when you're in the anxiety phase to just 'get over it' or 'just get on with it' or 'just talk about it'. It's hard to even 'stop thinking like that' because 'it's stupid'.. because to us it is rational. 

So.. that's why I'm a turtle. I've grown up. I used to be an ostrich... I stuck my head in the sand and pretended things weren't happening... but now, I can retract into my shell and watch and learn and come out when it's safe. I'm happy being a turtle. 

Anyways... onto my little make for today... and yes. My little turtle fella... Isn't he cute. He's a woodware stamp and I thought it was just perfect to go with this little border from Be Creative. The 3d borders have always been a favourite but you can't often get them these days - there are a few from Be Creative at the moment, but others are in the pipeline I have been told.... !

He was coloured in with their alcohol markers and as I didn't have a blender pen to add the mottling on his skin, I just opted for a very pale grey to dot and dab, which sort of did the same thing. 

Of course he had to have little sparkly eyes and rosy cheeks, all finished off with a little dab of a white gel pen to add highlights - I don't know where I would be without my white gel pen!

As you can see, I made this a central stepper card. The papers were from the Nature pack of the Be Creative papers and so were the buttons. The border I added some extra adhesive to the base of the strip and took my anti static bag to 'un-sticky' the top section so it didn't catch when the card was closed.

I thoroughly enjoyed making this little card. It's around A5 in size, maybe a little smaller, but a great size for the stamp.

I hope it inspires you a little.... and just one last thing - as some people have asked - NO.. I haven't left Tonic, I am merely satisfying my thirst for colouring. Something I let go when I had my bad anxiety problems a while ago.

I have found it helps to sit, colour, and relax and do something just for ME. I'm sure you understand.

Until next time... xxx